Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
