what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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