I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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