Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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