Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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