There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
