In the future we'll all be gay
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
