either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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