just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
