it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
