umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
