dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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