Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
