Soap is not a condiment
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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