there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
