Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Acid is not a monday night drug
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
