i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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