I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
