The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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