I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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