I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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