This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
