and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
