he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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