Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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