the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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