It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
