i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
