I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
