I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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