I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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