he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
