Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
