Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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