I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We are all done wearing pants today
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
