she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
