I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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