Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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