people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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