his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
