Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This is my gift to your gina
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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