Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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