you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
