You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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