There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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