He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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