you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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