I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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