Dual....:-)
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
