Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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